Wait, did I say Nikki Harris? I meant Nikki Haley, but that’s an understandable mistake. After all, as a good friend of mine in politics recently pointed out to me, Nikki Haley is the Kamala Harris of the Republican Party. And now Nikki says she wants to be president, announcing her doomed candidacy with hilarious, corny and over-the-top fanfare (“Now is the time for a strong and proud America!”), although anyone with half a cerebral cortex can see that she’s really just trying to position herself as a vice presidential candidate if Donald Trump or Ron DeSantis get the nomination. That’s exactly the kind of cynical, shameless move that this cynical, shameless power challenger would make – and that her Democratic doppelgänger actually made.
Like Kamala, Nikki has everything wrong with her party. Kamala is Hillary Lite, a little less bitter, a lot dumber, but just as dishonest. Nikki is Jeb! in a skirt, temperamentally determined and tender, but much more ambitious and cunning than the human puffball who begged us “Please clap“, waiting for what he expected, the coronation.
Boring. Overrated. Unachieved despite her credentials. Nikki Haley is the epitome of the Peter Principle, a tiresome empty suit whose pure and unashamed ambition makes up for her lack of talent. Both she and Kamala want to become president. America stupid enough to allow any of them to do this deserves the pain that will inevitably follow. Yes, I will vote for her at all if the GOP is crazy enough to nominate her, but to see that her moderate ineptitude is marginally better than what the communists are throwing at us is condemnation and dull praise.
This is actually our Kamala Harris with another party label and no Montel Williams’ luggage. There was a time when Kamala was considered a formidable rising star, a radiant novel talent from the far west who could unite the various sections of the Democratic Party behind him. It was a long time ago. She was California’s attorney general and behaved terribly, but fortunately for Kamala, objectively assessing the Democrat’s performance is no longer relevant. Fortunately for Pete Buttigieg too – he’s a completely talentless hacker who screws up everything he touches – go to Ohio, take a deep breath and understand, and yet he’s still considered a top-tier prospect and Kamala’s main competitor. Anyway, Kamala inherited the Senate seat and just showed up for a few years, voted for approved nonsense the whole time, and then ran for president. Only then was the full extent of her mediocrity revealed. She was wandering around, rescued by Joe Biden, a man of legendary mediocrity who knows a thing or two about the utility of being a half-wit.
Kamala is a trustworthy voice on what is currently fashionable in her party. When Democrats pretended to be tough on crime, she locked up junkies – well, I guess she had to fix something at some point. And when crime became fashionable again, she helped save bandits, junkies and robbers. It’s like a parody of The Democrat, but with more weird rhapsodies yellow school buses.
Except no one in her own party likes her. Nobody wants her. Yet she sits in the White House, plotting and scheming, ready to push aside anyone who gets ahead of her on the ladder. If I were President Badfinger and she sent over a plate of homemade chocolate chip cookies, I would test them on one of my rabid dogs or, better yet, throw them out the window on the way to Delaware.
Nikki Haley was governor of South Carolina, where she distinguished herself by deferring to the mob on the state flag. It’s not that the rebel flag is shaking much – the people flying it have burned down the Schlichters’ hometown of Chambersburg several times, which we hold a grudge against – but it’s her sanctimonious acceptance of the entire narrative behind the false outrage that has exposed her inner establishment conformist. She also bought into Bubba Wallace’s noose nonsense, because of course she did. She cares about what the establishment thinks. She cares about the opinion of the regime’s media. She cares what her consultants think. And she finds what you and I, the conservative base, find appalling and frightening. But she’ll pretend she can’t handle it if that’s what it takes to win.
If you ever want to know what Nikki Haley will do, just place your finger in the wind and you’ll know which way it will go. She’s a human air gun, a consultant-driven stickler for conventional wisdom who spews tired garbage like “Let’s Build Bridges to a Better Tomorrow” circa 2005. He always seems to be one step away from demanding that you conservative thugs stop and let adults talk.
Even if he is right, and he is right simply because he hides behind his conservatism, you get the impression that his heart is not in it. She got it pissed off with me When I observed this she was hanging out with that lizard John Brennan as if the problem was that I was calling her out on working together. She was a suitable UN ambassador primarily because she usually simply said no to communists and Third World tycoons. As such, it met our minimum standard, but what apple cart did it tip over? The Kraucis keep complaining about Ric Grenell’s tenure as ambassador to Germany, but does anyone remember anything Nikki did other than suck up to Trump?
And it was hopeless until he stopped being useful. Trump is now dismissing rumors that she begged him to ditch Mike Pence and put her on his ticket for 2020. I don’t know if that’s true, but boy, it sure is. Who can’t see her cajoling and cajoling the president into dumping his faithful deputy and giving her the role? And who is shocked that her promise not to run against Trump was thrown out the window when she became inconvenient? Hey, if she had to do it to save the country, OK. But Nikki won’t save anything. This is another one of the GOP executives we think kicked to the curb.
Despite the fact that the base wants nothing to do with her due to her lack of basics (there are idiots on the left and supposedly conservatives who attack her name and legacy, and these people should be avoided 1) for their classlessness and stupidity and 2) for this , that you made me defend Nikki Haley), she has been preparing the groundwork for this campaign for some time. She started one of these PACs called the “Eagles, Families, America and Eagles Forum,” which solicits donations from conservative seniors using pleas like “Help Nikki save America from the threat of evil!” Her Twitter feed is a litany of tiresome, basic declarations like: “We need to empower people to pursue their dreams!” “I like America and I don’t care who it offends!” And “This is not the time to hold back – now is the time for a forceful and proud America. [fist emoji] [flag emoji].“That last one is, amazingly and embarrassingly, true.
Her pre-announcement video is absolutely hilarious how simple it is – it’s as if she had a group of consultants who tried to program her with hardcore America Firstism, which ended with her vomiting out the same kind of painfully awkward fake toughness as Mitt Romney insisting he’s “very conservative.” It’s an act, an act so false that you would flinch if it weren’t so funny. If she gets elected, she’ll sell us to Jeb! fly faster than you can say, “We should all reach across the aisle to capture a better tomorrow!” And you know she would say something like, “We should all reach across the aisle to capture a better tomorrow!”
But compared to Kamala, you have to give Nikki some credit. At least Nikki’s consultants can piece together coherent clichés, while Kamala makes no sense at all.
The massive problem with Nikki Haley for Republicans is the same as the massive problem with Kamala Harris for Democrats. They are both overly ambitious mediocrities who do not believe in anything except the urgent need for their own development. And both sides’ bases know it. Kamala is, astonishingly, less popular than her aging superior. Nikki Haley is polling at about 2%, and that 2% is drunk. No one wants either of them to become president – both hope to make up for their unpopularity with the sheer intensity of wanting it for themselves.
Politics is actually a secondary issue for both sides. Much like liberalism was for Kamala, conservatism is a false hobby horse that Nikki hopes to apply to get into Washington and play a gig before taking her massive step into the Oval Office. But there is no evidence that she actually believes in conservatism as we understand it in 2023. It is a consultant-led operation, resurrected from 2003. She withered before SJWs when she could have told them to beat sand. She’s awkwardly hawkish, pretending to be who she thinks Republicans should be. She hasn’t shown any disdain for the establishment like Trump, nor has she gained experience in owning libraries like Ron DeSantis. But politics really doesn’t matter to her. She just wants to become president one day, like her double Kamala. And we have to stop them both.
Follow Kurt on Twitter @KurtSchlichter. Get Hellseventh book in Kelly Turnbull People’s Republic of China a series of conservative action novels set in America after a supposed national divorce, as well as his non-fiction book We’ll Be Back: The Fall and Rise of America.
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