A truly historic achievement for the Republican Party and America, Speaker of the House of Representatives Nancy Pelosi handed over the gavel Congressman John Boehner (R–OH), making him the first-ever Orange-American to become Speaker of the House of Representatives.
“When Nancy Pelosi became Speaker of the House of Representatives in 2006, a watershed moment for women across America and when Barack Obama became president in 2008, it was also a breakthrough for America,” the historian noted Doris Kearns Goodwin. “John Boehner“Ascending as Speaker is just such a moment for Orange men and women across this great country.”
“I am very grateful and proud to be an American,” an excited and very orange Boehner told voters Washington today, many of them came to the event by bus from Ohio. “I have always believed in an open mind and basic honesty Americans to judge our leaders not by the color of our skin, but by the nature of our character.”
MTV Cast Jersey Coast was seen celebrating at the Hotel Delano IN South Beach today, and although none of the cast members ever voted in the election, they all wore Boehner T-shirts and celebrated this historic occasion. “It was the most damn believable thing I have ever seen (sic),” said a delighted Michael “The Situation” Sorrentino, one of the stars of the popular reality show. “I haven’t been this proud since The Sopranos ruled HBO!”
The president of the American Tanning Association also beamed. “Since then, we have not had such an significant politician who would represent us so proudly Bob Dole”said Matt Matthews. “Boehner is George Hamilton policies and already the number of reservations at showrooms across America has increased by 15%.”
Matthews hoped that through this election, orange people across America, and more importantly, aspiring orange people across America, would finally feel accepted and become part of the American quilt.
“Orange is not the color of the rainbow,” noted Clarissa Claremont, director of National Association for the Development of the Orange People, “but now we can all proudly say that the orange is beautiful!”
University of Syracuse announced today that Speaker Boehner will be recognized as an honorary Orangeman and awarded the award Honorary Doctorate immediately. “This is a great moment for us,” he said Coach Jim Boeheim. We couldn’t be happier for John.”
Finally, there were performance artists known as The Orange Man Group. “Over the years, our performance has been as good as The Blue Man Group. But because of the color of our skin, we were treated like a third-rate team.”
Orange Man has already signed a contract for an exclusive 26-night performance at The Venetian in Las Vegas, and the group’s management indicated that bookings have skyrocketed since Boehner’s introduction.
Habeeb is the Vice President of Content for the Salem Radio Network
